I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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