In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
