She's JV to your varsity
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
