I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
