You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
