I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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