I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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