Just fell off a train. Bad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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