It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were destined to go to rehab together
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
