I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize