he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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