Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize