i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
