Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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