If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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