I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
