I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
