at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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