Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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