Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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