Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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