the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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