Rock
Scissors
Fuck
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
