just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
