He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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