Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
