I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
