i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
