After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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