I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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