Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just invented taco cereal.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
