Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
