and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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