well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
