well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
