Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
