Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
