My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize