If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
