im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
