I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
