I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Are my feet made of real feet?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
