Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
