I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize