Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
