hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
