You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize