i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
