I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
