How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
