I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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