I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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