you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize