oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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