Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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