"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
