we should wear snuggies to the strip club
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize