i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
