Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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