so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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