i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
