She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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