Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
