Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
