Someone shit on the floor
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
