The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
