You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
