On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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