I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
