You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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