I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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