So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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