i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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