I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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