I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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