I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Panties = found
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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