I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
