sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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