She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
