should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
