come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
