Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
